Lloyd’s Rants

Prepare to be offended…..and then laugh about it!

I Think I’ve Become Kindled

An Original “Lloyd’s Rant”™ – © 2008, All Rights Reserved.  Parve Θ

So…….on Wednesday I welcomed home a much-anticipated bundle of joy.

If you think I’m talking about a new baby, WELCOME! First time Lloyd reader. Read this (and a few of my other blogs) and you’ll know better next time.  But go ahead and bite your tongue, just for good measure.

I stopped wishing hate, death, pain, sadness, financial ruin, runny festering anal boils or even just general misfortune upon those I disliked a long time ago.  Now I simply wish them children.

Anyway, the 4lb box that Waldo brought contained the Kindle from Amazon!  Early adopter that I am, since they dropped the price $50 and you could actually GET them (I’d missed out on the initial release before they sold out), I decided to moan loudly enough until one arrived.  Worked like a charm.

Waldo?  Waldo’s our UPS guy.  Or, he could just as easily be the FedEx guy, the FIOS repairman, a Comcast installer, the mailman, the chinese delivery guy, or those slow-ass-knuckle-draggers from Pizza Hut.  See, my theory on the creation of “Where’s Waldo” pictures and general theme comes from somebody sitting around at home actually waiting for one of these motherfuckers to show up with their stuff.  Plenty of time to draw all those folks and details on the pictures, and all the time wondering where in the FUCK this guy is at with your STUFF.  So…….basically if it comes to my house, it’s brought by “Waldo”.

Another equally amusing game you can play to pass the time?  Every time you’re asked to give a name in a casual setting…..ordering from Fuddruckers, calling in Delivery, putting your name on a waiting list to be seated somewhere……give them the name “Waldo”.   And then NEVER get up when you’re first called.  Make them call you a second time – because between the first and second calls, you know damn well someone’s gonna think, “Where’s Waldo?”, and that’s enough to start anybody giggling.

For the moment, let’s put aside that odd Waldo fetish, and get back to the Kindle!

The Kindle

This thing has an amazing screen technology.  Although at times I’d prefer a backlight (I miss my old Rocket eBook Reader) the screen is easy on the eyes.  Interesting effects generated by the little ‘selection’ window on the right.  Clear battery and wireless status indicators at the bottom.  Geek Joy already!

Kindle does documents. If you can read it on a screen somewhere, you can get it onto the Kindle.  Yes, each file format requires a little tinkering with.  Really?  No.  Most go on without fucking around with the file format.  Can Lloyd just put them on there and be done with it?  Abso-fucking-lutely not!  Lloyd has to convert, re digitize, streamline and otherwise fiddle with every non-Kindle-native file format until they’re just so.  As all good tinkerers know, achieving “just so” is paramount.  Probably explains why most tinkerers tinker alone, too.

There are many sources of eBooks, freebies that have fallen out of copyright, stuff you can buy from this vendor or that one (and almost always wondering if perhaps you’re paying for something THEY ripped off to begin with), torrents you can download, etc.  The files take up a surprisingly small amount of room.

Room’s not an issue, however.  The morning before it’s arrival, I got up at the Crack-o-Dawn and hoofed down to Staples to buy an SD memory card for the Kindle.  4 gigabytes max, according to everything I’ve seen, and that’s just fine with me, since 4 gigs seems to be the current ‘price point’ for flash these days.  This coming from the early adopter who paid $400 for a 1 gigabyte flash key.  For close to that, I now have the Kindle and an additional 4 gigs of memory.

Since decent porn isn’t an option on the Kindle (no video, pics are B&W, and ‘erotica’ is for girls), I was left with the dilemma of actually making use of the additional storage space.

Even after loading standard MP3’s (my 25 standard tunes which must go on any device capable of playing them – cell phone, GPS, iPod or variants thereof) into the ‘music’ folder, I had tons of room left.

Music?  Sure. If you’re one who has to have music going to read (I prefer quiet thanks), you can play MP3’s on the Kindle while you’re reading.  Not much of an interface to select them, but they play.   Nifty.

Kindle also does Audiobooks. I’ve got a huge library at Audible, so filling a decent amount of space on the Kindle was easy.  Right now it’s got vast amounts of Stephen King, John Grisham, Tom Clancy, Thomas Jefferson, Robert A. Heinlein, Orwell and The US Constitution, in both document and audible formats.  I even happened to stumble upon an unabridged version of John Grisham’s “The Firm”….a book which was obviously based on my time at WorldSpace.

Newspapers and Blogs, too – and delivered right over the wireless network (They use Sprint’s) with no connect time charges.  Even has a browser where most text-based sites work great.  Even uses the CDMA to simulate a GPS and shows you on Google Maps where you’re at, based on which Cell you’ve latched onto.  Helpful for locating the closest place offering pizza delivery.

So, I’ve got 3-4 newspapers, two magazines and 3-4 blogs downloading and updating on their own.  I even broke down and got The Washington Post so I could have a laugh or two.

But mostly so far it’s been a wonderful game of hunting and gathering.  Collecting the classics, the must-haves, the reference material, the Tolkien, the Poe, and the Ron Paul that you really have to include.  The converting, the organizing, the tweaking and tinkering……..

I think I’ve actually read 3 things on the Kindle so far.

Not ONE word, people.  Not one.  It’s almost ‘just so’ for content, and then I’ll actually read it more and sit behind the keyboard less.  But for now, somebody’s gotta have a PDF of “Manifesto” I can scarf up…

Until next time, Kiddies…….



June 21, 2008 - Posted by | Comedy, Funny, Kindle, Lloyd's Rants, Rants, Satire | , , , , ,

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