Lloyd’s Rants

Prepare to be offended…..and then laugh about it!

Truther Drama Queens

So….I’m over at Mob’s last night watching the Emmy Awards – being the fine connoisseur of porn that I am, one of my favorite things to actually watch on TV is the Hollywood Community as they jerk each other off.

As we’re watching these censored, overpaid d-bags congratulate each other on everything from Best Costumes (i.e. pick out a fucking shirt and put it on) to Best Reality Anything (an oxymoron amongst oxymorons if I’ve EVER heard one!), Mobius sat around on the laptop checking his 75 email accounts and updating his political pages, when I looked over his shoulder at one of his MySpace pages.

Holy Jesus H. Christ on a fucking jumped-up pony!

MySpace deletes bulletins after 10 days.  Mobius had 177 listed.

Not 177 bulletins.   177 pages.  At 10 bulletins per page, that’s 1770 bulletins….or an average of 177 per day.  Reasonable if you have 50,000 friends on your page.  Completely fucking insane if you have 77 friends.

So….I ask him about it.  Some of our greatest conversations over the last 40+ years have started like this – some simple, innocuous question leading to the discovery of something completely bizarre.

“Mob?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you always have that many bulletins?”

“Yup.”

“That’s a lot of bulletins…”

“Yup.”

(When he’s in his online zone, Mobius is not much of a conversationalist)

“You read all those?”

“Some.  Mostly video postings I seldom watch. Nothing original, for the most part.”

“But……that’s an assload of bulletins, man.”

(At this point, Mob sets his laptop aside, turns down the TV volume, and looks at me)

“Lloyd, they’re mostly Truther bulletins.  The Truther movement ranges from ‘Politicians are criminals’ – which everyone knows and generally believes – to ‘UFO’s are trying to read your brainwaves’ – which is the outer fringe of the Truther movement.  Means lots of material to cover, and a lot of them are re-posts.”

“Re-posts?  Aren’t you guys mostly on each others’ lists anyway?”

“Probably for the most part, yes.  All stuff we all generally either accept, are familiar with, or have heard before.”

“So then this is mostly just an exercise of preaching to the choir, only in a grandiose scale?”

(Mobius pauses, holds up the universal hand gesture which means ‘hold that thought’, and goes for another Redbull.  I hear him muttering to himself quietly from the kitchen.)

“Yeah, pretty much, I guess.  Take a look, you’ll see what I mean.”

I grab the laptop and get to clicking.  It takes me a bare 10 minutes, I sit the laptop back down, and see that Mob is grinning like the Cheshire Cat at the 10th or 11th Emmy for “John Adams”.

“Mob, didn’t you tell me once that a function of all these ‘False Flag’ attacks is to promote panic, hysteria and generally make a bigger deal out of things than they should be?  Kind of distract people from what they’re supposed to be SEEING as opposed to what they’re being SHOWN?”

“That’s part of it, yep.”

“Isn’t that exactly what MOST of these re-posted bulletins are doin?  Man, I’ve never seen so many things in ALL CAPS since the days of the TRS-80, and I heard that the Merriam-Webster Dictionary people have been complaining about a shortage on exclamation points – I think I know where they went…”

“Huh?  What the hell are you talking about?”

“Here, take a look for yourself.  No skimming!”

(Mobius is a self-admitted skimmer.  He doesn’t actually read most things until they’re mission-critical, instead preferring to just skim an article, get the gist, and move on.  I hand him the laptop and turn my attention back to the morons on TV, where Josh Groban is trying to convince us that he, too, is ‘Movin on Up’ – almost as much of a sacrilege as these awards being given to “Reality Television”)

An hour later, we’re well into the first installment of John Adams, which I hadn’t seen but had heard rave reviews from Mobius endlessly, and I’d started a running tally of the historical inaccuracies and downright bullshit they’ve added to this noble man’s story in the spirit of gaining viewers.  Everybody knows 1700’s America wasn’t quite as exciting as they make it out to be, and I guess nobody would watch something that was 100% accurate anyway.

Finally, Mobius looks up from his laptop.  Quietly, he starts off…..

“Holy fuck….how did I miss that?  You’re right on the money, Lloyd.”

“I just call ’em like I see em.  Most of those posts are re-posts of stuff that’s not all that new, not all that fresh, none of it original material, most of it without citing any sources or references, and the repeat violators generally use way too much in the way of hysteria-producing grammar and punctuation.”

Mobius laughs.

“Thanks, Captain Obvious – anything else to add there?”

“Well, now that you ask me, yes.  And as for your Captain Obvious reference, remember that it was I who pointed it out to your otherwise oblivious ass!”

“Touche, kind sir.  Continue.  I’m listening.”

“I’ve noticed that several folks are actually posting things and trying to make it look like it’s original material.  Aside from the fact that you can Google a line or two and see where it was ORIGINALLY posted, when you go to their MySpace pages you can tell in about 30 seconds that these people have NEVER had a thought matching the intellect level of the post in question.  I’m sure some of them are even borderline dangerous – posting things that they can’t possibly understand, despite the validity of the material, and then presenting it as their own….well that just discredits the entire message that’s being presented.”

“Wow.  50 points to Slytherin, dude.  That’s actually a pretty adept analysis.  Anything else?”

I paused to reflect on the evening’s discourse, and came up with, perhaps, the most relevant epiphany of the evening…..

“Yeah.  We sat through the entire Emmy Awards tonight, and I noticed something – I’ve finally realized that you’ve influenced me into achieving one of the absolute requirements of being an actual ‘Truther’.”

“Huh?  How so?”

“Out of every show and special and movie they talked about tonight, I realized that I had watched very few of them, and hadn’t heard of most of them.  Two years ago I’d have known them all by verse.  I’ve finally detoxified my system of the poison that Mainstream Media pushes at us through that damn box over there.”

Smiling a knowing grin, Mobius concluded the evening appropriately:

“Yup.  You’re damn sight smarter than you were back then, too.”

All in all, a very revealing night.  I suspect Mobius’ll have something to say about it as well.

Until next time, kiddies,

Lloyd

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September 22, 2008 - Posted by | Comedy, Funny, Lloyd's Rants, Myspace, Politics, Rants, Satire | , , , , ,

3 Comments »

  1. […] the context of this commentary, you’ve gotta read the piece Lloyd published this morning in Lloyd’s Rants.  Go check it out, and then come back.  It’s fine, I’ll […]

    Pingback by An Epiphany of Epic Proportions « The Mobius Trip | September 22, 2008 | Reply

  2. This is one of the reasons I believe it to be such a difficult task to be an honest Truther. I have to plead guilty of being a little overly dramatic in some of my findings only to be proven wrong later. I blame this, in part, to being a girl and in part to people trying to hinder our efforts. That’s my excuse and I’m stickin’ to it!

    One thing I have not been found guilty of since I was fifteen (or in an emotional state) is sending out emails saturated with exclamation points or TYPING EVERYTHING IN CAPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <–except there to prove my point. Heh. 🙂

    I’m learning. I’m coming along. Thankfully, I’ve got a couple of trustworthy people who are much further along in the game than I, to bounce things off of when I panic and they keep me in line. Otherwise, my brain would be scrambled eggs by now.

    Comment by Stephanie | October 2, 2008 | Reply

  3. I failed to mention that much laughter was enjoyed as I read the post! 🙂

    Comment by Stephanie | October 2, 2008 | Reply


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