Lloyd’s Rants

Prepare to be offended…..and then laugh about it!

Shut up and Drive!

Another RANT from Lloyd, this time on……….

Cell Phones and Driving

I’ve really, really had enough of this bullshit about driving and using a cellular telephone. Most people I know barely have enough intellect to operate a motor vehicle, let alone try and hold a conversation while driving. There is absolutely NO GOOD REASON why those of us who DO possess such faculties cannot do both at the same time.

The Brain Trust we all know and love as the State of New York, that worldwide home to hospitality, good manners and Oxford English, has decided they need to legislate the use of a wireless telephone while driving, and that jerkoff governor they have has agreed to put the measure into law.

What a moron! And here I thought we could expect more from a state that elected Hillary to the Senate. NOT!

I guess the honorable guv’nr has never seen the statistics on what actually CAUSES accidents in cases where the driver was distracted. A recent study, that we undoubtedly paid for, released by the University of North Carolina, shows that most drivers are distracted by just about anything BUT a cell phone.

Things Outside the Car
Now just imagine that. Something OUTSIDE the car distracted me. Think so? Let’s examine some examples:
Tina Turner walking down the sidewalk in a thong bikini. That would distract ol’ Lloyd, you betcha.
Ted Turner walking down the sidewalk in a thong bikini. That would distract ol’ Lloyd, you betcha. Just for different reasons.

Adjusting Radio, CD, etc.
You’re damn right this is distracting. Especially when I can’t get anything on the radio but that obnoxious fucking RAP shit all over the radio. And now these Rocket Scientists are naming themselves after candy, probably to draw the 5-10 year old market. Lovely.

Other Occupants
Hey, somebody’s gotta drive Ike and Tina around. 😉

Vehicle Controls
What ya wanna bet that this will be the next thing they outlaw – changing your vehicle controls while driving. Even better – how many accidents do you think all those Minivans with Diplomatic Tags have caused by FAILING to use their vehicle controls. Like the nice little stick on the left of the steering column? Must be illegal in ‘their’ country to use them.

Hey, I can handle a Double Whopper AND use the phone while I’m driving, and I drive a STICK. Some can and some can’t.

Cell Phones
Never, EVER caused an accident for myself or anyone I know, and I know a lot of people. This is just another one of those pseudo-popular causes that’s trendy to be part of until you’re actually asked to DO something about it. Just like the Million (fill in the blank here) March, where about 75 people show up, providing that the weather’s nice.

Here is the next personal freedom we’re gonna lose folks – smoking in the privacy of your own car. Just watch.

Other Distractions
Ever been in a car when someone lets loose a real foul one? I have, and it’ll distract you every time. 🙂 Tell you another one that’s a minor distraction, too: ever since the government pukes decided to put Killer Air Bags in cars, now you gotta have your kids in the back seat. How many times have we seen the classic Yuppie Soccer Mom reaching around behind her to whack her kid upside the head? This is, of course, the perfect time to hit the little brat, because out in public it’s strictly “Time Out” for misdeeds. Yeah, that works. NOT.

Unknown Distractions
This has GOT to be where all the dumbass Legislators listed their distractions. Just sounds like one of them. “Oh, I don’t know WHAT distracted me, I just know I was distracted. So it wasn’t my fault. Now pay me.”

Lastly, dear friends, let’s all consider the source: Federal, State and Local governments. Once again these people who suck the absolute lifeblood from the teat (yes, I said TEAT) of the Taxpayers every year have decided that they know what’s best for you. Think about this: Do you KNOW anyone who works for the Federal, State or Local Government? Have you NOT, at one point or another, thought to yourself, “Damn, I know that Julio works for THE GOVERNMENT, but he’s an absolute fucking IDIOT!”? I know I have, dear friends, and many more times than I care to recall. I can’t think of a single person I know who works for a government anywhere who’s not just slagging by, doing what they have to do, until retirement.

These aren’t even people we can trust with unimportant things (anyone got potholes in their roads?), let alone important ones, like executing people on our behalf, or telling us when we can and cannot use a cell phone. Enough already!

If you agree with me (and if you don’t, click here to go back home), join me in the following resolutions:

If you see an accident occur, especially a GOOD one, everyone bleeding all over the place and such, DRIVE RIGHT PAST AND LAUGH. Especially if it’s an asswipe legislator. Never even consider using your cell phone to call for help, because George Fucking Washington (“GFW”) has decided you can’t use your cell phone responsibly in the car. And don’t EVEN bother telling me there are exceptions within the law. Fuck that and you too. If there are good, valid reasons for exceptions, then maybe, just MAYBE the law’s a BAD IDEA. Wouldn’t be the first time that GFW came up with a real winner.

The next time you drive past Johnny Law, hold your cell phone outside the window and wave it at him. Don’t use it, goodness no! Just wave the motherfucker out the window. See if maybe that distracts HIM a little bit. (gonna be category #1 in the chart above, too!)

REFUSE TO COMPLY! This is just another step in our government slowly taking control over our daily lives. It starts out with small things like those choking fucking seat belts, then helmets for bikers (and any TRUE biker knows he doesn’t need a LAW to put on a helmet before heading out) and smoking in public, but if we continue to tolerate and allow this abuse on us, very soon you will not be able to even scratch where it itches without getting fined.

Write your Federal and State Senators and Representatives. You voted those pukes in there, they work for you. Tell them how you feel about the possibility of losing YET ANOTHER of your personal Freedoms.

Above all else, do this: The next time you are in a public place and have to take a call on your cell phone, have the fucking courtesy of trying your damndest to be undetected. I swear to JHC that all these obnoxious morons who (a) feel the need to flip out their cell every 10 minutes, (b) decide to hold a conversation in front of you when you’re not even participating and (c) don’t realize that the PHONE causes their voice to be heard miles away, and that it’s not necessary to SHOUT (these are the same assholes who raise their voice at people who don’t understand English) piss me off way more than someone driving and talking on a cell phone. Perhaps to the extent where that’s the NEXT Rant.

Until next time, kiddies……..



February 28, 2009 - Posted by | Lloyd's Rants

1 Comment »

  1. […] TALK on your cellphone (see Lloyd’s take on this here) […]

    Pingback by Maryland Bans SENDING Text Messages While Driving « The Mobius Trip | April 18, 2009 | Reply

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