Lloyd’s Rants

Prepare to be offended…..and then laugh about it!

Waiting in Line at Starbucks

Another Rant from Lloyd

This time on……Waiting in Line at Starbucks

Okay, everyone knows that Lloyd absolutely hates and despises YUPPIES.

Fabulously beautiful people, extremely self-centered, full of themselves, consumer-driven, baseball cap on backwards, bald by choice men, obnoxious and a shame to waste the oxygen on them bunch of motherfuckers that they are, they did have one good idea: Starbucks. NO, this does not make up for the fact that most of them are criminal cocksucker businessmen, driven to remove your hard earned money from your pocket via your anus. But the coffee’s good.

Lloyd likes Starbucks coffee. There. Said it. Shoot me right between the eyes if you wanna, I don’t care.

That being said, why is it that EVERY SINGLE TIME I go to Starbucks I have to get behind some idiot, self-important bastard (who should be wearing a fucking Batman Utility Belt to hold the pager, Palm Pilot, Cell Phone and portable GPS unit on top of his FatAss Docker Pants) who insists on ordering something not even remotely resembling COFFEE?

Something that even the local Barista (I hate that term, too, but I’m trying to move on here, see if you can keep up, huh?) has to look up in the Coffee Bible, and takes 20 minutes to make.

“I’ll have a half-caff, double paper, sans sleeve, light foam, dual skim, water up felatio-chino. No fructose, with a twist. Shaken, not stirred. Capped, not covered.”

Let me kindly respond to your request for all those of us standing in line behind you, waiting to get served so that we can get (back) to work:

“FUCK YOU. IN YOUR ASS. WITH BARNEY’S PURPLE DINOSAUR COCK. DRY. Who are you, the 007 of the coffee world??”

People, people, people. Starbucks is a COFFEE HOUSE. If you can’t drink COFFEE, go the fuck somewhere else. Try these phrases, they will make me, you, and everyone else happy:

  • I’ll have a large.
  • I’ll have a medium.
  • I’ll have a small. (but why bother?)
  • I need change for the phone. (you are pressing your luck here)
  • I need the key to the restroom. (GOTCHA! Starbucks does not LOCK their bathrooms. Why? Because Beautiful People would not dream of pissing all over the floor. Yeah right. At any rate, no key needed. Move along, ass.)

Any of the above are acceptable. If you want a fucking croissant, go to Vie De France and get it. Just get the HELL out of my way…or I will personally introduce you to Biscotti….anally.

Until next time, kiddies……..



February 28, 2009 - Posted by | Lloyd's Rants

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