Lloyd’s Rants

Prepare to be offended…..and then laugh about it!

And now for a little blasphemy, Billy Mays Style!

billy-mays

Billy Mays is my Shepherd

Billy Mays is my Shepherd, I shall not want (a Shamwow).

He maketh me buy stuff I never knew I needed:

He leadeth me to find my credit card numbers and to call now.

He restoreth the colors to my laundry:

He leadeth me down the path to needing a “Clean House” for his clients’ sake.

Yea, though I surf through the valley of 3AM television,
I will fear no spills, for he giveth me Zorbeez;

His beard and his voice, they comfort me and keep me awake.

He preparest Big City Sliders for me in the presence of Jenny Craig,

He maketh my head to spin and bid me to wait, for there’s more; my mailbox runneth over.

Surely goodness and bargains shall lure me in during his reruns,
and I will walk on his Impact Gels forever.

@NOTSethRogen

No man is an island, and Billy had a lot of amazing people behind him as he set out to take over our world. We miss you, Billy, and wish there was even more!

Our thoughts go out to @ArwenAnaNg, @KingSully and @YoungBillyMays as they embark on Season 2 of The Pitchmen!

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September 5, 2009 Posted by | Advertising, Billy Mays, Celebrities, Comedy, Funny, Infomercials, Lloyd's Rants, Pitchmen, Television | , , | Leave a comment

This is totally rufus!

I do so hope this gets approved, after all the hullabaloo.  Yes, I said hullaballoo.  Deal with it.  Updated below!

3-29-2009-6-43-34-pm

Whatcha think?  I do hope Lloyd doesn’t mind.

Mobi Continue reading

March 29, 2009 Posted by | Funny, Hollywood, Lloyd's Rants, Seth Rogen, Technology, Twitter, Urban Dictionary | , , , , | 1 Comment

This just in…..

There are NO recordings of Michelle Obama ranting at a tiny African blog being written by Nigerians in Norway.

They just don’t exist, but, my goodness the drama that has unfolded from this on their blog is mind-boggling.

This whole thing smells like one of those Nigerian Lottery Money Laundering things that run in email (google “419 scams”) It’s got all the qualities of this fraud which just refuses to go away.

The idea that Michelle Obama was ever concerned with a bunch of Nobody Nigerians “working out of Norway” is preposterous to begin with.

As if Nigerians in Norway couldn’t POSSIBLY be visible enough, they toss this out there to try and drive up their own visibility.

November 3, 2008 Posted by | Comedy, Funny, Hussein, Lloyd's Rants, obama, Politics, Satire | , , , , , | Leave a comment

Biden says put a REAL Man in the White House!

Apparently, it’s NOT a myth or an urban legend – just ask Joe!

August 23, 2008 Posted by | Funny, Lloyd's Rants, Politics, Satire | , , , | 1 Comment