Lloyd’s Rants

Prepare to be offended…..and then laugh about it!

And now for a little blasphemy, Billy Mays Style!


Billy Mays is my Shepherd

Billy Mays is my Shepherd, I shall not want (a Shamwow).

He maketh me buy stuff I never knew I needed:

He leadeth me to find my credit card numbers and to call now.

He restoreth the colors to my laundry:

He leadeth me down the path to needing a “Clean House” for his clients’ sake.

Yea, though I surf through the valley of 3AM television,
I will fear no spills, for he giveth me Zorbeez;

His beard and his voice, they comfort me and keep me awake.

He preparest Big City Sliders for me in the presence of Jenny Craig,

He maketh my head to spin and bid me to wait, for there’s more; my mailbox runneth over.

Surely goodness and bargains shall lure me in during his reruns,
and I will walk on his Impact Gels forever.


No man is an island, and Billy had a lot of amazing people behind him as he set out to take over our world. We miss you, Billy, and wish there was even more!

Our thoughts go out to @ArwenAnaNg, @KingSully and @YoungBillyMays as they embark on Season 2 of The Pitchmen!


September 5, 2009 Posted by | Advertising, Billy Mays, Celebrities, Comedy, Funny, Infomercials, Lloyd's Rants, Pitchmen, Television | , , | Leave a comment

Breaking News – Franco Still Dead, Rogen Not Tweeting


It’s true.  I hate to disappoint millions of you, but Generalissimo Francisco Franco is STILL dead.

Now, on to disappoint a couple thousand others…….

There’s been a lot of flutter online the last two days about the shenanigans going on with the @realSethRogen Twitter ID.  Hopefully this FAQ will clear things up for everyone.

Update 3/28/2009: @Seth_Rogen is the latest Seth Rogen fake Twitter account – he’s also not real, but it SURE shows us all how gullible folks can be.  Same guy as from before, and we actually have a pretty good idea who’s behind it.  Hint:  It’s not Seth Rogen.

Continue reading

March 27, 2009 Posted by | Celebrities, Comedy, Funny, Hollywood, Jonah Hill, Lloyd's Rants, Prank, Seth Rogen, Technology, Twitter, video | , , , , , , , , , , | 13 Comments

Supreme Court Denies Obama Birth Certificate Lawsuit

Following the recent denial by the U.S. Supreme Court in the Obama Birth Certificate lawsuit, the President-Elect can now invite his extended family to next month’s Inauguration.

Anyone know how to get to Pennsylvania Avenue?

Anyone know how to get to Pennsylvania Avenue?

December 11, 2008 Posted by | Comedy, Funny, Hussein, Inauguration, Lloyd's Rants, obama, Politics, Rants, Satire | , , , , , , | 2 Comments

What to do, what to do?

November 6, 2008 Posted by | Comedy, Funny, obama, Politics, Satire | , , | Leave a comment

This just in…..

There are NO recordings of Michelle Obama ranting at a tiny African blog being written by Nigerians in Norway.

They just don’t exist, but, my goodness the drama that has unfolded from this on their blog is mind-boggling.

This whole thing smells like one of those Nigerian Lottery Money Laundering things that run in email (google “419 scams”) It’s got all the qualities of this fraud which just refuses to go away.

The idea that Michelle Obama was ever concerned with a bunch of Nobody Nigerians “working out of Norway” is preposterous to begin with.

As if Nigerians in Norway couldn’t POSSIBLY be visible enough, they toss this out there to try and drive up their own visibility.

November 3, 2008 Posted by | Comedy, Funny, Hussein, Lloyd's Rants, obama, Politics, Satire | , , , , , | Leave a comment

Wasted days and wasted nights…..

I’ve just stumbled upon something rather…..baffling.

Very conservatively, I’ve easily spent over 6 months of my life waiting for computers to reboot.

3x a day average (suffice to say I’ve had my hands on more than one PC in my day)

8 minutes average from shutdown click to being able to use the PC again after reboot.

(some take 3 minutes, and some monster systems (remember Novell?) take half an hour)

7 days a week, 365 days a year, for 30 years.


October 30, 2008 Posted by | Comedy, Funny, Lloyd's Rants, Technology | , , , | Leave a comment

Bristolgate – The Mobius Bitstrip


So, as you may or may not know, Mobius and I, on occasion, do ‘bitstrips’.  Here’s one of our highest-rated ones.  Been awhile, but there will be some new ones this week.  Better viewed at the site than here, at least until I get a different layout for the blog.  Click on the pic to go to the site. Enjoy. 

October 26, 2008 Posted by | Comedy, Funny, Lloyd's Rants, Politics, Satire | , , | Leave a comment

Post-Election Survival Instructions

Post Election Survival Instructions

Post Election Survival Instructions

October 8, 2008 Posted by | Comedy, Funny, Lloyd's Rants, Politics | , , , | 1 Comment

9/11’s a Lie – Video



Well you can tell
By the way the buildings fell
There was something wrong
Now it’s time to tell Continue reading

October 8, 2008 Posted by | Comedy, Funny, Lloyd's Rants, Politics | , , , | Leave a comment



Fuck change. I don’t like it.

Did you know that after SIXTY fucking years, some douchenozzle tried re-naming The Man In The Yellow Hat to “Ted”? WTF? Fuck that.

Some shit you just cannot, should not change. “Ted”. My ass.

That’s like when it went from Larry, Curly and Moe to Larry, Shemp and Moe.

Fuck a Shemp. Shemp wasn’t funny. Curly was funny. Nobody liked Shemp.

Fuck that.

Fuck Ted, too.

October 8, 2008 Posted by | Comedy, Funny, Lloyd's Rants, Rants | , , , , | 1 Comment